Monday, November 23, 2009

Mommy Season

I am a girl with an identity crisis. Who doesn’t have one of these? Probably everyone. I am a mom of two cuties who slammed into my life and made it amazing and mysterious. My goals used to be clear and well defined. My career was laid out for me and I was on the top of my game. Until change happened, which it inevitably does. I thought that even with change I was the same person with the same goals. I became a stay at home mom and got to experience the very life that I had previously scoffed at. I chose the one occupation that I had vowed to never accept, always knew I would have a career. Who would have thought that when my life changed I would change too?

Life has many seasons. I was fortunate to have a warm and love filled childhood; with plenty of adventure and freedom for a gangly slightly tomboyish little girl to experiment in the great outdoors. As I grew my parents prepped me for my college season by nurturing my sense of independence. Of course this time in my life had plenty of angst to help me figure out bigger issues in life, a ton of schoolwork to make sure that I would be ready to start a career and large amounts of fun sprinkled in for good measure. Then of course I moved into a career and was lucky to find my husband at my first job out of college and we set off to make sucesses of ourselves; whatever that meant. Our careers moved us around quite a bit and in the process we got married and gained our first baby - Trooper the golden retriever. We learned a lot in our first years of marriage about trust, responsibility and what it takes to make a family.

Then mommy season came. All my previous phases in life had been laced with freedom to go where I want and with whom I wanted whenever I wanted, enter a baby who had a tendency to scream at the top of his lungs when he was hungry, full (he had reflux), tired, just waking up (still can't really understand that one), wet or just out of sorts. After a layoff, a move and another baby (woops, didn't see that one coming) I was in a strange place with no job, two babies, no friends and a big inferiority complex for not having a job. I was surrounded by loving family, which helped immensely but really missed that day to day interaction with coworkers friends and even my husband. Nobody really talks about how isolating mommyhood can be in those first few years, though. During naps and sleepless nights, sickness and cold weather you just don't see many other adults during the day. Thank goodness we moved to the friendliest place on the planet and into Ward and June's neighborhood; it all just clicked.

It took me a good three years of being a stay at home mom to come to terms with it. I realize now how important this job is and also how amazingly lucky I am to be able to stay at home. To all the single parents of the world and to all the moms who work, you are amazing!

My family, husband and kids and extended family and friends; with my faith, are the most important things to me. But as the diapers have given way to training pants and training pants to big girl and boy pants, I have started to wonder. What is that nagging at the back of my mind? Drive, ambition, maybe even a goal that doesn’t revolve around a crumby floor or a Dora toothbrush.

This is a peek into my life, my dreams, my hobbies, my family and my faith – a girl learning about who she is and where she is going.


Sharon said...

You'll make it-come to a conclusion and move forward. Writing may be your forte; doing a great job. mom

JanMary said...

So well put - I too thought I would never be a sahm!

Thanks for sharing.