Can I put "Mommy" on my resume?

Can I put “Mommy” on my resume? Probably not, in fact it would be more of a deterrent than a reason to higher someone. Call me crazy but the most creative people in the world are the ones trying to get their 2 year old to sit down in their car seats while a crowd is forming in the local parking lot because from all appearances the screaming maniac child is being abducted.

How many of us want it all? And then realize that we definitely do not and cannot have it all after the wonderful bundle of joy has arrived. The clear winner at that point is the bouncing baby boy who for whatever reason does not sleep in more than 45 minute increments. Why do we want it all? We have been programmed to believe that men have it all and we want that too. Power, success and maybe just maybe a little recognition. However, I can tell you right now that if men have it all they definitely don’t do it all. They go to work and do a great job ‘bringing home the bacon’ without ever setting foot in a grocery store. Nor do they bathe the children, feed the children or teach the children anything but a three point stance. That sounds harsh, and in no way am I digging on my own darling husband. But the majority of two income households still don't split the parenting duties and the house duties down the middle.

There are many women out there who know in their heart of hearts that they want a family and definitely know that staying home with the kids is the answer to their dreams. The rest of us sort of fall into this life without having a clue what is happening. That would be me. Never in my wildest dreams would I believe that when I grew up I would be a stay at home mom. This was beneath me, limiting, ridiculous in so many ways. Why stay at home when clearly I had the capacity to run a company if not a country and could ‘outsource’ all of that menial domestic business. I mean you can get a lawn guy, a housekeeper, a nanny and even get someone to cook and prepare most of your children’s meals. So the choice is obvious, right?

Until the ‘real’ world actually comes calling and you find yourself between a move and a layoff with hubby really starting to step up to the plate. All of a sudden going back to work seems like a lot of work! And staying at home becomes more real with that business environment a made up fictional place where men and women who clearly either are superhuman or delusional choose to spend most of their waking hours. The real world becomes real, with diapers and potties and Elmo. And conversations regarding poop and sleep are truly the most important meetings of your entire life. Where teaching your child that God exists is far more fundamental than what this fiscal year's Balance Sheet is going to look like.

But then the doubts creep in with, but I am not contributing to society or otherwise. I have so much to give, or do I? Maybe why I am at home is because I am a big fat failure. And you look at all of the amazing women who are now your peers and they truly are the most talented gifted people you have ever met. They not only have children that learn to poop by two and sleep 12 hours at night without waking up, but they work from home for a Fortune 100 company and run the local PTA and are tennis stars on the amateur circuit and somehow also have Bible study two nights a week. Who are these women? Have they cloned themselves, because I think that is still illegal and someone should do something about this.

Not me, though I am paralyzed with fear of failure. The biggest job I have ever asked myself to do will last the rest of my life and will be displayed in front of God and everyone to show my success or abysmal failure. And because I am so afraid of failing in that I am deathly afraid of taking on anything else. Because I couldn't possibly handle any more responsibility in my life right now.

But what happens after kids? Where do I go from there? They do grow up and although the job doesn’t stop, it gets noticeably easier even if they end up living in your basement presumably they will have their own key and not need to jump in bed with you at night. So what then? Will I wallow in grief of an empty nest and make my husband miserable by mothering him? Or somehow someway will some 30 year old Harvard MBA take pity on me and higher me in some need to find diverse backgrounds to appease HR. Perhaps as a consultant of the bygone technology boom days as a person who can tell exactly what not to do to make a company thrive in the long term. Will ‘mommy’ be on my resume to fill the 18 year gap in time in which I was playing, wiping and cooking?