Memorial Day Discipline

We had an invite to go to our neighbor's yesterday for dinner.  We were all excited to just relax, play and visit.  Everything was going well, dinner was lovely (pigs in a blanket for the kids and pork steaks and an Asian salad for the adults, yummy) and the kids were playing very nicely together.  Something took a turn for the worse somewhere between brownies and sunset. 

Jac and Mia were playing with our neighbor's five year old, we are very close with them and they know each other quite well.  Jac is perhaps, a little too comfortable at their house.  Comfortable enough to throw a five year old sized fit in their backyard.  It involved turn taking, which was merely the beginning of the poor choices that Jac made.  After he had spent a good ten minutes in their Fred Flinstone car with the girls hanging onto the outside and Jac driving them around, he was asked by Mia nicely if she could have a turn.  Much to her credit she was very patient and didn't through a fit herself.  I asked him to give Mia a turn and then Jeff in a much sterner voice asked him.  He started to negotiate, which was his first poor choice. 

When I got up from the table he knew that his negotiation wouldn't work.  So he ran, this was his second poor choice.  Never run away from your mother!  So, I told him we would go home if he didn't come to me.  He came.  Then he had to sit on my lap, but since he was being a bit too noisy (screaming his head off, third poor choice) to stay within company we moved inside for a discussion.  I thought for sure I could calm the situation down.  But to no avail, he tried, he really did but he was so frustrated and I was frustrated.  When we tried to walk back outside he continued to show his frustration, the final poor choice, so I decided I should take the opportunity I had.  I left with him and Jeff and Mia stayed at the party. 

Oh my.  This was quite a lesson.  He wasn't entirely positive that he wouldn't get to go back.  He held out hope for the longest time, probably up until I had his jammies on, then he knew.  He would not be allowed to go back and continue to play. 

I have to admit, I was very pleased by the whole situation.  Jac has been five going on fifteen lately, with a bit of an attitude and a healthy dose of defiance.  This was the perfect punishment at the perfect time.  Sometimes it is hard to make this choice and end a lovely evening for both yourself and your child, but I do believe that we had bottomed out.  This punishment will ring loudly in his memory for a long time, something for Jac to remember on Memorial Day.

Thank you to all the veterans out there, for your time and devotion and commitment.  A special thank you to my two Grandfathers, both whom have passed, for their service to their country in World War II.  I love you! 

Boy oh boy oh boy

It was back to school yesterday, and I have to tell you I was glad.  I believe I mentioned that I am ready for summer, however.....   I guess I just need the routine in order to keep me from going cuckoo (I had to look up how to spell cuckoo, not intuitive).  We did a lot last week, which was our saving grace.  Jac seems to be going through a bit of a naughty spell.  Shocking, I know. 

Evidently, so I am told, he behaves like a perfect gentleman at other children's houses.  I guess one of the ultimate goals is that he become an upstanding citizen contributing to the betterment of soceity.   But hello, the bigger goal is to respect your mama and take care of her when she goes senile.  I do appreciate that we won't have behavior problems at school and that he will be invited back to friends' houses, but I would love to get through one day without tears (on either of our faces). 

So, we are working on obeying the first time - no counting or having to tell him repeatedly to do something, less drama - he really deserves something from the Academy on occasion, and no back talk - my head spins around and literal steam pours out of my ears when I hear back talk. 

So it seemed to be a tough week last week.  I can see glimpses of the wonderfully behaved boy he could be and I am just not sure how to breakthrough and have that be the norm.   We still seem to have transition issues, although when on a schedule they are greatly reduced.  I think this is why he does so well in school because he knows exactly what is coming next.  The flip side of this is that he has an amazing attention span.  Seriously the kid can play by himself for hours on end. 

All you parenting gurus out there, surely you have been through this too?

The New Chart

For a couple of years I have been thinking about creating a discipline chart for the kiddos.  In my head I always poo-pooed the idea because, well, I don't really know why I did.  I resisted this type of super structured, and what I perceive as over the top mommy behavior.  Preferring to have house rules that everyone knows. 

As little ones grow, certain behaviors come and certain behaviors go.  Often I think I won't be able to make it through the "throwing food to the floor phase" or the "reverting to poop in pants" phase or the "biting my big brother because he stole my toy" phase.  But each lovely behavior challenge does come and it does go with consistent consequences and plenty of positive reinforcement children grow and learn and move on.  However, for some reason we cannot get out of the "whine until mommy freaks out" phase or the "I don't feel like getting dressed phase", two of my least favorites.  And maybe that is why we can't seem to get out of them because they truly are terribly annoying to mommy. 

In order new attitudes we have enacted a discipline chart.  It only has four issues and four consequences, and is pretty simple and straight forward.  My true wish is to be able to say bye-bye to the whining, crying and complaining.  It is really tough for my oldest to not revert to this whenever he is tired, hungry or just needing some attention.  I am glad that he is no longer throwing himself to the ground, however we must put away the whine. 

So far I do feel the chart has helped.  It is clear and concise and there is no mistaking the consequence of whining.  I have caught both kids using it with the other, "if you cry or whine or complain you have to go to your room".  This morning Mia put it aptly, "Jac, if you cry, go to your room.  If you complain, go to your room.  If you whine, go to your room."  Maybe a bit repetive but clearly it is sinking in.  What I hope does not replace the whining is bossiness or tattling.  But at this point, I would welcome those compared to the whining!