A Boy and His.....Hat?

"But Mia gets to wear a bow in her hair, what do I get to wear in my hair?"  This question was posed to me on Sunday when I informed my son he could not wear his baseball cap to church.  It actually sounds like a pretty reasonable question except for the fact that at the time he was rolling around on the floor crying and screaming.  I guess we all need to learn from a young age, that life isn't fair.  That is all I could really tell him.

He has decided that wearing his baseball cap is bar none the best thing ever.  He wears it all the time, to play, he tries to wear it to dinner, to school, everywhere.  He hangs it up on his chair and puts it right back on when he has been excused from the table.  He loves his hat.

I have no idea where the hat fanaticism came from.  He did recently start a baseball training league, better known as t-ball, back in my day.  He got a new hat to go with his t-ball uniform (t-shirt), and he loves it.  He is actually wearing the St Louis Cardinal's hat that he got last year for his birthday and that he never really took an interest in.  I have heard of boys doing this, just never imagined I would have one.  He has always put on, whatever I laid out for him, no complaints. 

But I have to admit, with his blue eyes, smattering of freckles and fair skin; he is pretty cute in it.

Boy oh boy oh boy

It was back to school yesterday, and I have to tell you I was glad.  I believe I mentioned that I am ready for summer, however.....   I guess I just need the routine in order to keep me from going cuckoo (I had to look up how to spell cuckoo, not intuitive).  We did a lot last week, which was our saving grace.  Jac seems to be going through a bit of a naughty spell.  Shocking, I know. 

Evidently, so I am told, he behaves like a perfect gentleman at other children's houses.  I guess one of the ultimate goals is that he become an upstanding citizen contributing to the betterment of soceity.   But hello, the bigger goal is to respect your mama and take care of her when she goes senile.  I do appreciate that we won't have behavior problems at school and that he will be invited back to friends' houses, but I would love to get through one day without tears (on either of our faces). 

So, we are working on obeying the first time - no counting or having to tell him repeatedly to do something, less drama - he really deserves something from the Academy on occasion, and no back talk - my head spins around and literal steam pours out of my ears when I hear back talk. 

So it seemed to be a tough week last week.  I can see glimpses of the wonderfully behaved boy he could be and I am just not sure how to breakthrough and have that be the norm.   We still seem to have transition issues, although when on a schedule they are greatly reduced.  I think this is why he does so well in school because he knows exactly what is coming next.  The flip side of this is that he has an amazing attention span.  Seriously the kid can play by himself for hours on end. 

All you parenting gurus out there, surely you have been through this too?

I want to rock and roll all night and party every day!

Well, I actually heard those words, or at least a toddler version of them. Last night everyone was behaving quite nicely for bedtime. We have implemented a new bedtime routine and after about a week we finely seem to be on track. In the past Jeff and I have taken turns on putting kiddos to bed. Every other night for about a year we have had a night of cuddles and then the next night you get to sit back and watch bad TV or surf the Internet to your heart's content.

Well, lately, Jeff's night has turned into, "I want mommy", being sung from the rafters which is quite frustrating for all involved. So last week we talked about it and knew we had to do something to fix this problem. There were fits being thrown and kiddos getting into to trouble every other night, simply because they wanted their mommy right before bed which doesn't seem like too much to ask. Now we are both involved every night for the bedtime routine. I get a break after dinner to sit down and relax for an hour or so and Jeff is responsible for the routine of bath, vitamins, pjs, teeth, toilet, etc. I swoop in at the end and read a couple of books, say a prayer and tuck in. The tuck in is what takes the longest. Normally it involves cuddling with them until they are drowsy and we turn the wind up into a wind down. Well, that is what I did last night but they were terribly wiggly and I was a bit impatient. So after about 10 minutes of getting no where I left and said I would be back in a few minutes to check on them, but there were to be no parties in the bed. I specifically said, if you throw a party up here I will separate you (they sleep in the same bed by the way).

Ten minutes later there were some serious giggles, thumps and an occasional scream. I went up there expecting the worse, and of course was not disappointed. I said, okay let the crying begin, I told you no parties! I picked up Mia and took her to her room, and she said, "I want to party or be in your bed!" Let me repeat that, "I want to party or be in your bed!" I couldn't keep a straight face, I was laughing too hard. I know that I will hear those words when she is 15, "Mom, leave me alone, I want to party!"

But will people think she doesn't have a mother?

My house is the tale of two children. I am sure that many people have experienced this. You start raising one child and think to yourself, wow, this is really hard. Then you are blessed with your second child and everyone tells you how much easier things will be with the second. (For all of those mommies that have just had a second, wink-wink, it is easier, please don't be discouraged by this post!) And don't get me wrong there are aspects that are easier. I actually have more "Dawn" time now that my kids are four and three because they play quite well together and there are really very few instances of blood shed. Also, I do feel that the pregnancy and the infancy time period with Mia (my second) were easier, partly because you just don't have time to wallow in any self pity. You already have a child and it becomes less about you and more about them. The sleep deprivation is less of a shock to the system the second time around, you are at least aware that when people say things like "just make it through the first six weeks" they are either giving you the punch line to a joke or they hired a night nanny after six weeks with their own newborn. It really should be, just make it through the first 18 years and you will be fine.


And Mia is actually easier, she has a sunnier more optimistic disposition. Not that that is better or worse, she just is a little less frustrated and more easy going than Jac. She also sleeps better, very rarely waking up in the middle of the night.  But she is also completely addicted to TV and anything electronic and I know that is a battle just waiting to be waged. My real challenge with Mia is her independence. I am not sure how independent I was as a child, but as an adult before I had children I prided on my ability to do things myself and not need anyone's help. Now as a mother in a new city, finding myself in unfamiliar waters I ask for help at least weekly if not daily. (That is a whole other blog post, asking for help is actually a wonderful gift we can give each other.)

Yes, she is an independent woman, I actually appreciate it. No matter how difficult it is to watch as she massacres a tub of butter in order to slather on a 1/2 inch slab of butter to her bread that is now torn to shreds, I understand that this is innate in her and my trying to help would only hurt her self esteem. Not to mention the fact that I am quite sure there will come a point when I am buttering Jac's bread, dressing him, putting on his shoes, etc and Mia will be doing all of these things herself. Not only does she already have the will, she is developing the skill because she practices doing these things herself all the time.

My biggest hurdle to overcome was so eloquently put by a mom of Mia's classmate. She has one of these fiercely independent little girls herself who is now five.  She said, "but I worry that people will think she doesn't have a mother." And that is really what it comes down to, our pride and worrying about what other people think. She has had more years to practice at it than I have, but she is strong enough in her own parenting that she allows her child to choose what she wants to wear and how she wants to wear her hair. Needless to say, there are times when she looks a bit bedraggled. But their house is more peaceful, less fighting about hair combing and matching clothes and more time to worry about what really matters. It all comes down to me being proud and not wanting people to think that I actually chose for Mia to wear her pajama top all day with a large rat's nest in the back of her head. I don't believe this will get any better as time goes on, but as long as the clothes are modest, should this be an issue in our lives? Eventually, she will want to comb her hair, peer pressure and all of that. And as far as wearing your pajamas all day, I think most of us have been guilty of that at some point in our lives. Soceity is pretty accepting of toddlers being toddlers, let's see if I can be also.

Jac - Before and After

Before

After

Jac got a haircut over the weekend. Quite a dramatic makeover if you ask me! He went from barely being able to see his eyes, to seeing all of his cute cutie face. I actually think he looks younger because we had his hair cut shorter like this when he was around two and a half.

Jac at 30 months

And like Samson his strength left him when his hair was cut. He has lost all strength for fits and complaining. It is a miracle transformation and he has been sleeping 11 hours at night. His behavior has done a 180 turn and we are all a lot happier.

One more interesting picture - no resemblance here at all.

Papa

These are the culprits

These cookies look like innocent turkeys, but beware, they are actually enough to make your four year old have an all out meltdown!

The kids and I made cookies on Monday with our neighbor friend. Fun was had, spoons were licked, feathers were applied and cookies were eaten. Then it got ugly. (Queue scary music.)

Jac's behavior has definitely gotten a bit less four year old like and more two year old like since giving up the nap and starting preschool this fall. Things are good when he is well rested and fed, and evidently not when there are a couple dozen turkeys looking at him. All was well until we sat down to dinner. First, Mia was not interested, everyone in the family loves meatloaf, but not tonight. Then Jac jumped on the bandwagon and decided that he wasn't eating either. All out mutiny. Which was simple enough to solve. If you aren't hungry fine, please leave the table so that mommy and daddy can eat in peace. But be forewarned! No dessert if you don't eat your meal.

Well things went from bad to worse with Jac, and he was sent to his room. Mia decided to buck up and try the potatoes that I had fixed. (Contrary to the critics at the table, it was a tasty meal. Sweet meatloaf, a potato and cheese concoction, and sauteed beets. You may have issue you with the latter, but I promise it is good and in our house, you don't have to eat everything you just have to try it all. The only reason you would have to eat everything is if you wanted one of those turkey cookies. Queue the scary music again.)

So Mia was back at the table eating and Jac was in his room. It sounded from the wailing that someone was doing him bodily harm. Jeff and I were finished with our meal at this point and were cleaning up the kitchen. After the kitchen was clean I went upstairs with Jac. Being the reasonable mother I am, and knowing that what my son truly needed was sleep I gave him two choices 1. go eat your dinner and no I am not making you anything different or 2. go to bed. (It seemed like an easy choice, I wasn't being mean on either level because for choice 1. Jac has been known to eat two or three helpings of my meatloaf and for choice 2. he normally goes to bed at 7:30 and it was already 6:45.)

My son doesn't always make the wisest choices. He opted for a middle road of being defiant and shouting, I am not eating it if it is my dinner. In four year old speak what he really meant was, mommy this fit will stop if you will just give me a turkey cookie - did I mention that he has been screaming for turkey cookies this whole time? I of course knew what I had to do, put Jac to bed. I knew it wouldn't be fun or easy, but this is what I had to do.

So another 30 minutes later after Jac had finally been convinced that he wasn't leaving his room and I would stay with him until he fell asleep, he did just that, fell asleep. It was ugly and loud and certainly not how I would choose to put him to bed, I felt like the mom in the book Where the Wild Things Are. I did realize a few things from this incident. Jac needs more sleep, somehow we need to get him more sleep. The turkey cookies must be put away and potentially sweets in general must disappear for awhile.

Some questions that I had were, how do I get this boy to sleep more? Do we have too many things going on (preschool and play dates are really all we do, but is four days a week just too much)? And last but of course not least, how do I get rid of two dozen turkey cookies?